13+ hour, 12+ min ago  (228+ words) JERUSALEM " The disciples of Christ, distraught and crushed by the events of Friday, began to wonder what Jesus could have possibly meant when he said, "They will kill me and in three days I will rise from the dead." Gathered…...

1+ day, 10+ hour ago  (236+ words) JERUSALEM " A Pharisee by the name of Ahaziah asked his fellow scribes if it was normal for the temple curtain to suddenly and spontaneously rip in half from top to bottom. The incident occurred on the afternoon of the day…...

1+ day, 11+ hour ago  (233+ words) If you're gearing up to attend Easter service at a megachurch, you're in for an exciting Sunday. The Babylon Bee has surveyed megachurches across America to come up with the following list of events coming your way to celebrate Christ's…...

6+ day, 9+ hour ago  (711+ words) VATICAN CITY " Pope Leo boldly proclaimed today that God does not listen to the prayers of those who wage war, so long as you don't count King David, or Joshua, or Gideon, or Samson, or Elijah, or Hezekiah, or any…...

1+ week, 2+ day ago  (330+ words) WORLD " The world's leading theologians weighed in on the nature of Heaven this week, confirming what many have long believed: Heaven's streets of gold will have no cyclists. The belief that Heaven's golden streets are strictly off-limits to bicycles is…...

1+ week, 2+ day ago  (286+ words) CLEVELAND, OH " The Bible finally received a much-needed modern update called the Morally Gray Edition, which removes all outdated black-and-white morality that was found in prior editions. "Modern people don't have time to worry about whether or not God is…...

1+ week, 6+ day ago  (134+ words) JUDEA " With his fellow apostle scoring nicknames from Jesus like "The Rock" and "Sons of Thunder", the Apostle James admitted to feeling a tad bit disappointed with being christened "The Lesser". Though understanding the message behind the moniker, James confessed…...

2+ week, 1+ day ago  (232+ words) NOTRE DAME, IN " After a thought-provoking roundtable discussion, theologians at the University of Notre Dame concluded that every meal in Heaven is most likely ice cream in a miniature baseball helmet. "It makes the most sense," said Dr. Albert Wilhelm,…...

2+ week, 4+ day ago  (219+ words) HADES " Demons happily welcomed 27-year-old Jim Carole to Hell on Tuesday after he was immediately condemned to eternal damnation for texting "LOL" to a close friend when he didn't really laugh out loud. "Ahh! It Burns! MY FLESH IS BEING…...

3+ week, 2+ day ago  (223+ words) NEW YORK, NY " Heaven rejoiced today after a Jewish man accepted Jesus and converted to Christianity. Sources confirmed that the man was converted thanks to the powerful witness of an X user who proclaimed, "Christ is King, you filthy money-grubbin…...